No I’m not relapsing on anything; was thinking of something funny then thought I’d use it in a semi-regular way anyway. It does keep happening though. Even if the meaning’s different.
I’m sitting in the garden grass playing with the black cat oh right the black cat I mentioned last month who I called a li[no infected items were found, thanks anti-virus scanner]ttle fucker cause she only seemingly comes for food. [Post-publishing addition: Kai I just read your last email though before I wholly respond, she does not purr, go figure skating eh] That’s now only really partially true cause she basically spends her entire day here and sometimes sleeps here too. So by non-legal technicalities we have a cat and and Mom’s her god and her [cat’s] mom is there sometimes too.
I’m playing with her with ping-pong balls and a paddle and before you think I’m schizo-hanging with a possibly-anthropomorphic-sized ping-pong-knowing cat she doesn’t have her own paddle she’s just having hysteric fun with the balls and paddle in the grass. I also don’t wanna get up and leave until she’s tired out or distracted enough by neighboring noises, right she’s a freakin scaredy cat and will teleport at any noise exceeding -12 dB by sound editing metric.
There it is as I sit continuing to play with her, hearing jovial Latino music playing from the front street-other side of the house, it’s the time of the year when it’ll just be golden hour from 3 p.m. til nightfall, the cat slowly gets less shit-scared of the concept of not-very-distant Latino music when she’s not looking momentarily away from the ping pong balls and to any other -24 to -12 dB on adobe premiere noise, and I empathetically look where she’s looking cause we’re the only onscreen characters, and I’m longing-melancholing again. And I’m totally fine. I won’t be mic dropping an LP or EP to kill it cause there’s nothing to kill. I looked out the window this morning and nostalgia is still there, roadkilled by that 4×4 I drove back and forth over it way back and they know I took their 4×4. If anyone’s actually feeling the serializing payoffs, woo!
Right now it’s not depressive-longing, though there’s nothing case by case wrong with it. Again you’re not here for toxic positivity; unless you have to watch your step out the door for mines you’re probably surrounded by toxic positivity one way or another. Hell you may come to crescendo angst cinevision as your haven of pain-empathy because no one else seems to understand what goes on behind your extroverted laughter or how good you make it look you got it. Wait… I was going somewhere with this. I’m distracted. I’ll go ahead and blame Kenrry for calling home and collaterally reminding my parents that there’s hope in their bloodline. Oh wow Mom just said it was important that I’m there for them right now. Kay I don’t really know what anything means right now, also the news comes on in less than 40 minutes and Amanda Kline is who makes the news worth turning on, so I’m publishing this before then also for anyone to read as the shadows on the pavement stretch out optimizing your threshold of emo-relation.
Was there a theme to this. Sure. Even if I don’t have the benefit of an Apocalonging saga to relate it back to… You 6606 subscribers are here for one reason or another. I need to continue holding you over til ODC / convince you all to contribute a little and find the rest of the non-dogmatic-convocation.
It’s gonna start being cold apparently within the next month or so, and there won’t be garden hangouts with possibly self-agencied runaway cats who will never take for granted the novel texture-feeling of ping pong balls during all-afternoon-golden hour to not-that-distant Latino music to collectively help me tap into what makes me actually feel human. I won’t have… this… to give me the hope 2 [ . … ../] through self-agencied longing-angst. The empowered kind. The kind you seem to have been convinced to show up for. But it’s gonna keep happening.
I’m gonna keep giving myself reasons to care, even if they don’t come to me. Though the only reason I’m writing this—for the 6606th time—is if you can relate in any possible even abstract way.
This case the cat came, but it left after it was fed.
It’s gonna get apparently colder.
Automated android’s note: whether within seconds of wrapping it up the cat came back yet again is beyond this publishing’s thematic point.
ODC Virtual Slice Preview Abridged
Time is cherished also generation ADHD so this is for those who only have 59 seconds rather than 2 minutes 42 seconds.