To those who may’ve been traumatized by the length of while equally engrossed by the checkpoint unravelments of garden at the back, Vessel / Wraith / rest of Open Doom, Coda:, as the title suggests I’ll attempt self-contained concision here.
I was kind of close [sort of this close] to writing a newly long one but I…didn’t..feel like it. Or risk relapsing after writing a book’s worth of existential psychoanalysis. By the way I have no idea who he is I just thought it was funny. Over 2 lines is wasted and it’s throat-punch lines mostly really that I wanted to work towards.
Uu[shuffles papered list]hh right what’s the point when we’ve reached fudged-anime-minus-resurrections-level absurdity with a bio-pocalypse, racism hysteria, serial killer dentists, parents murdering their kids from stabbings to a fetus in a dumpster, tropical storms, a freaking Nuclear Explosion [no less next to where All The Food Was], all back-to-back at-the-same-time and that’s only what came to mind. I say it with absolute real-life sensitivity that if all this was a fictitious fast-cut compilation, even then a crystal-meth-cocaine-cracked adrenaline junkie would say “slow down” and call out unnecessary excess.
Once again it’s vehemently reiterated—the absence of any outward auteur self-interest so that you could humor this at all… It’s enough to convince oneself to by-technicality pOst On a bLOg unless there’s immediate political or social relevance; I get it; this isn’t a pathetic attempt at silencing what matters; actually the opposite. Where if you feel like you have just about nothing academically-certified to discourse—right here Hello—then is something as abstract as self-expression even worth it? No I’m not asking you to validate it. This is self-constructive evaluation.
This at a rather novel period when it feels like people care less about creative expression that doesn’t biasely pre-concern them cause they’re stressed enough about whether they’ll die in any of the included-but-not-limited-to ways listed two paragraphs ago. So unless creative expression from a barely-known nobody immediately benefits them, they’ve got 0 reason to pay attention to what said-nobody has to say; even if Said Nobody never actually makes it about themselves and rather the empathic opposite. And unless someone’s popular / super hot and people will pay attention no matter what they do / how useless they are—then all you [I] contrastingly get is the above-paragraph baseline question. Introspectively that’s better anyway. This way I gauge from a purely moral standpoint and not “will this get a probable-covid-laced tongue in my mouth”
[looks at paper]
Story of an unwanted black cat no that’s too emo and I’ll give her a standalone. [paper] “Decaf latté joke” man I think I shit on backwards-progressives by every 3rd paragraph so I don’t have to [pape—] right I looped the above painting [washablemarkers] to a song that phonetically reminds me of the moon by an artist who’s name phonetically reminds me of my legal last name.
Forward movement.[?] Anything that doesn’t help otherwise will just relapse
[paper. tosses. it glides spectacularly slightly]
This is 2 long 2 tedious already by my standards. It’s the same answer every time. I give myself permission or I might as well be soul-dead again. If you expected a self-congratulating vanity profile, you’re at the wrong self-funded digital real estate. If you expect an all-or-nothing politically-woke partisan preach, we don’t serve decaf lattés here eeeyyy there it is. Matias keep getting them to buy something anyway we need the bankruptcy safety net.
It just comes down to what you can see in front of you at the given time and whether you could do anything with your role. And that’s the thing regardless what the action itself may be. Regardless if it’s through riches, gestures, or self-expression as outward empathy, I have to stay convinced it can be just as legit in each its own right. Minus the oversimplification compassion’s gotta remain the most powerfully—and with it self-empowered—political choice. Everything else is contextual or peripheral.
The easteregg stash of personal references in the washablemarkers painting would’ve been limited to one person understanding anyway so yeah I don’t feel like superman returns-boring you with what everything means as it stands. Maybe later. Unless I hear the top of the roof come off kill everybody there [Deathconsciousness, 2008].
If you also felt like you chose the worst possible era to be optimally self-expressive, boi welcome to crescendo angst cinevision, I would say enjoy your stay but we’d both be kidding ourselves. You could not have possibly even accidentally found your way here searching for happiness so that takes off all the pressure on my end. Of course ODC just had to be a double-feature’s worth.
Something humorous Peter brought up on the phone about this thing people apparently hype as “the cool zone” which speaks for itself. And whereas the cool zone associates with what’s cool to currently associate with, not everyone may be onto another idea. That the test-of-time-standing zone could not only be not-necessarily-cool-looking; it could be the zone no one knows to notice.
Game’s played on the field. But just like structures / standards / systems / straight up everything else, a game’s illusionary. It can be hacked and hotwired from anywhere—especially off the sidelines.
No one's gonna tell me ahead of time what will get to matter. Even if I won't lastingly matter—what I leave behind will. Sounds fuckin cool to me.