The Vow Remains The Same

But all the hate in the world…


It’s like you can’t not hate back.


And I don’t want it. It’s exhausting.

A reflection of my dread at the darkness this world has plunged and shall re-plunge itself under.

I wanted a better world. I thought I wasn’t gonna be a part of it cause I wouldn’t be better enough. Now I’m not gonna be a part of it because the world does not want enough to be better.

As far as living by the things I give, Open Doom Crescendo got to be produced through the change from the bleak Tumtum era to the rebuilding days of the Biden era.  But now the United States has sided anew with orange cartoon manbaby, and those who wanted it deserve what’s coming.

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I know there are those on the nihilist left who will argue only absolutism or burn-it-all-downism, and that both sides were just as bad. But there was a clear choice between a firefighter—regardless how competent you think they are—and the arsonist who is actively flamethrowing the building down. And Americans overwhelmingly chose the arsonist.

When one side demonstrates any substantiated effort to do good or take the side of humanity, there is no choice between that and the other side which will do everything they can to tear apart and away people’s lives, rights, bodily autonomy, and rule by autocracy and hate. If people want better options, they have to work with what they do still have; we live in an unfair system, and if you can’t prioritize the greater fight, then you don’t get to whine when you lose what’s left of the system that Was working. And instead people from far right to even far left went the other way and chose nihilism, cause it self-satisfies their own resentment, or their just-plain moronicy, or hate.

I cannot pity them. I cannot pity those who vote against their own health, health insurance, social security, education that would lift them out of the conditions they’re in, and overall survival. I’ve never seen a population of humanity hate themselves so much. From uneducated, willfully ignorant, to straight up hate-filled–voting for not only Trump, but all these sick RepubliKlans who clearly hate the very people who’d vote for them.

I’m angry—for those who voted Blue, and At those who voted Red and willfully for oppression of women (misogyny doesn’t even cut it), racism, self-sabotage, hatred, and nihilism.

I’m so nauseous with anger at the people who willfully hate themselves and women and LGBTQ+ and any other systematically-vulnerable minority/marginalized group who they don’t have a direct stake in–who are just uneducatedly or actively hatefully okay with what they’ve done.

I’m especially nauseous at all the self-hating wannabe-white-supremacist-adjacent sexist POCs who’d on top of that betray their own wives, sisters, daughters, mothers, and vote for the convicted felon adjudicated rapist who openly hates them all, cause they can’t get over their own insecure-masculine incel uneducated intolerance. And when they all get randomly deported accordingly to their appearance they’re gonna be all shocked and say “No I voted for you I’m one of you” but none of these white supremacists cared about them beyond being pawns.

I took a few days to assess how to articulate this spark of urgency to write out and exorcise the burdens in my chest. But unlike influencers or actually-important people, no one’s waiting for my opinion. I gotta write anyway so that I don’t erupt in consternation.

I’m Canadian, so this is beyond my relevancy. But whatever happens in the US, Canada psychologically just wants to monkey-see-monkey-do it, and it’s also the closest impressionable country to the US. I don’t make art under a Canadian lens. And I’m not just saying that so people will wanna watch my stuff more. I’m not American, as engrossed as I am in what’s going on there. I just care.

I’m poor as Hell but I don’t know what it’s like to be a brainwashed sheep who feels seen by and forfeits everything to a billionaire conman convicted felon. I’m an existential-diaspora Asian but I don’t know what it’s like to be a self-hating POC who votes against their own kind and interests for a fascist white supremacist (and his billionaire/millionaire cronies) who openly disdainfully hates them and would deport, ban, or “vermin-wipe-out” them. I’m a cis hetero guy but I don’t know what it’s like to be a far-right-fringe dipshit-bro wannabe-alpha-male-machismo-edgelord incel-misogynist podcaster-comedian-influencer-conspiracy-theorist who will normalize and glorify fascism, hate speech, and intolerance to soothe their whining entitlement of what they believe that women, the world, or/and comedy audiences owe them.

But I do know evil has a clear face, and that face is a violently-grapefruit-shaded orange on horror-movie-ghost white. And by clear I mean human-nature-deciphering cause that is literally not a clear face. And evil has an orange foundation of support.

And what happens in the Divided States affects and influences the rest of the world. Canada feels like just a wannabe-more-polite upstairs copycat neighbor. We’re all in the same geographical building, so if it goes up in flames downstairs, then upstairs is naturally going down with it.

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Open Doom Crescendo got to be a time-capsule between two metatextual realities. Its creation was in the backdrop of unfolding real-time change—of people moving from fear and hatred to more towards courage and love. Of who they elected to lead “the free world” and the overarching character they displayed and inspired—from nihilistic indecency to hope in decency; from acting on the worst of our nature to reaching out to the better of it.

Despite its stumbles, Open Doom Crescendo is now a time-capsule that meant to reach out to a better, kinder, world—and metatextually rose out of the real-world hope of a better, kinder world. Even if the world is now turning its back on that time-capsule—the reaching out to it I hope can remain timeless.

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I DM-wrote this to a new supporter who reached out:

It’s been and still is a lonely feeling to forfeit everything to create this overwhelming act of expression, but then face the indefinite void of obscurity. And now in the wake of the election… I’ve had to mourn the life it had as a thing that was created during the transition from the darkest political narrative to the most hopeful—but now we’re collectively going back, and it feels like the time-capsule of hope has been sealed on Open Doom Crescendo’s metatextual journey. That said, the film is still what it is and I cannot stress enough how grateful I am that it could possibly still make a positive impact on anyone Especially now when the empowerment of our hope and compassion is more needed than ever—and with expressive havens to channel that empowerment through.

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