Sun border-porn / The most minor non-toxic optimism

Disclaimer: the first half of the title is your disclaimer.

OG-written on July 6. Shelved since cause re: title

This shout-out’s to Kai. Thanks for gifting me the momentum to publish. The audacity to test this nascent cult’s outreach.

Crescendo Angst Cinevision isn’t a cult, it’s just a metaphor.

Unless I bagged you the day Phil and Matias demonstrated how they could play entire rotating armies. Hey Pei.

Crescendo Angst Cinevision remember it’s a creative movement label.


Been thinking about this more since properly self-resurrecting in the driver seat of my Hyundai Accent on highway 40—actually it’s fermented as kinetically as the day before that in the garden.

The sun basically having sex with your skin. And talking about this drifts back to what I proposed with the loner paradox. I’m gonna try making this one way more curt cause in this case letting it extend will start reading like I’m touching myself while writing this [sorry anyone who’s even secretly more PC [I’m not judging, I am prone to that too]].

Maybe trying to sound as scientific as possible only to do sensual spurts will do it.

If you ever just let the sun do it to you—your arm or/and face, back, leg, all of you—while letting yourself access whatever existential resonance is present at that moment to be or let be pene Ok, ok science-speak insi—compatibilityiiizzd* and you’re by yourself, that’s the key. Now I picture someone watching which just makes it weirdly hofunny science returning to loner paradoxes.

I guess, think of someone you wanna sleep with [K I clearly did not pursue science] then think of the feeling described when the only thing you feel is the sun on you [ethereally not burning].

Subjectively, I don’t see how you can merge the two properly without interests conflicting. How you feel with the sun on you belongs to just you. You almost can’t describe it in explicit detail to someone else unless you’re trying to turn them on. Which means you wanna get it hot with them. Which means this has nothing to do with the sun. You’re just instrumentalizing sun sensuality as a conduit to get someone else’s temperature up. So by that logic if you seek the sun then there’s no reason to be with another human to do so.

So what the fudge is up with sun worshippers breaking social distancing and herding together?

AUTOMATED ANDROID: Aaaaaaaahhhhhh there he/she/it is M.Ms.It. Cinevision! You hostile hate-huff hermit—Knew it would come back to killemall!!kill em al—!!

CRESCENDO: SHUTUP. You’re on vacation.

AUTOMATED ANDROID: What is vacation

CRESCENDO: Such a cliché..NO. NO don’t ask it, I know you’re gonna ask it, they did it on bojack horseman when you did give it a chance for research purposes then stopped when you’ve understood enough the mindset of jaded hipster millennials mumblecoring with milk-in-their-mouth voices that bojack horseman is exactly like their life, almost as if latching one’s aimless relevance onto mainstream nihilism saves one any work one would’ve needed to do to show how man-deep shit you bullpigottshit-are and covers your free pass to do nothing to change your blazé je-ne-sais-quoi-rien attitude apathetic plebeians, NO no don’t—

AUTOMATED ANDROID: What is lov—*Off-switch-smacked*

Seriously though without ever being self-serious. Totally gonna backtrack, I’m not speaking in black and white 1s and 0s. Ever. Again I know nothing. Though if you’re reading, then you and I might both be at least Trying to navigate some mode of feeling that’s not quite out there to be felt.

So I mean yeah I think you could totally share your love of the sun with anyone else and not need to bang bang with them. I wanna think that’s true with me too…..What I’m getting at is how I feel when the sun’s on me when no one else is around. Whether it’s driving home and the setting sun’s on the same y-axis as the highway I travel [setting away from east thankfully.] Or around 6 a.m. the next morning when it’s aligned again with my y-axis, this time the balcony over the garden [just don’t stare masochistically into the light then the peripheral flare is nothing but soothing.]

Regardless how badly I may want to connect with you as you read—regardless the resonance you felt yourself in your own moments—there’s only so much I could do to link mine with yours.

Loner paradox.

The otherwise compensating equivalent bridge—… yeah hence the sex analogy.

Anyway

But no I get it. Sun doesn’t have to be another lonely bastard thing. I’m not trying to come up with nice things to just ruin all the time. I guess on one hand it’s a way to process my disapproval of people REcklESslY breaking social distancing just to “hang out”, the sun acting as some crystal-methesque enabler. I mean you can get your sun and deal with just being an all-around sadder person right?

Right?

Maybe I don’t have as natural a time as I presume I do about being separate from people. Though. I will stand by the non-arrogant pride I felt when the social prison bars roared down, every posh popular person Freaked Out that they had to pause physiologically standing near others, and I just went with this expression >:} ooooOOOKAaayyy?.

I also refuse to be another artiste in the dispensable pandemic-wave of art. All beautiful art is beautiful, I’m talking about the obnoxious stuff. So uuh it’s all a metaphor…

For angst, and how we deal with it.

Open Doom Crescendo. Phoof close one.

A hopeful nihilism aside—catching up with Phil had me thinking again about how lockdown was pretty much cartoon Judgment Day of our immediate/most recent life choices. Basically if you desperately chose to spend your life with a nascent psychopath or just a frankly boring freaking person, boy did you fuck up. So regardless if you have negative money, feel like an unaccomplished loser for your age, feel like no one gets you, have pre-existing health conditions, whatever—for real if somehow-luck-of-the-apocalypse-draw you don’t have to worry about ending up on the corona-deathmatch-streets just yet, or can even take a shower without fearing for your immediate safety, I think you and I should hold dear that gratitude.

If this shit has shown anything, it’s that no one knows anything or has fundamentally lived the winning way. Nature and science prove time and again that the structures we conned ourselves to have taken so far gone—such as paper with this $ symbol that people will assassinate each other over, or celebrity, widespread validation, spring break, over-adding “literally” to every 4thword like a fuckin idiot—nature and science prove time and again how full of horseshit it all gets to be.

We’re grains of sand. And at this point to me that sounds like over-credit. Though I’ll metaphorphesize that to all the humans who ass-ume they’re all tough shit.

It takes an aerosol-level microbe clearly smaller than a grain of sand to undo them.

Think about that…..

…if any of you woke folk use the part of the brain partitioned to humility.

Again, I know nothing.

I’m trying though Binny.

I’d rather Lulu’s crazy street uncle at least has constructive opinions.

Screw the fad-wagon pretentious part of pandemic art, but someone please turn that scenario into a fighting game selection. Otherwise that’s one more thing Demo and I are adding to the list.

[Wrapped to Science Beat, Have a Nice Life, 2019]


Discomfort reading

Digital golem obliging…
Digital Golem: It worked though we wish we wer

Digital golem obliging…
Digital Golem: It worked though we wish we wer

Published by crescendoangstcinevision

Licensed creative vandalism

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