Every year around this time I think the most about Hadrian.
And every time I listen to this song, I think of him.
At the time of this writing, 98% of everyone I know from my life a-year-and-back-ago is taking an indefinite vacation from my face (I know these chickens knew my jackass dad died end-of-last-year), so I wonder whether Hadrian would’ve actually still been an active friend, or if he’d choose less cantankerously cool cats to chill with.
It’s likely gratuitous at this point, to still pawn off his dead memory, but I bet I’ve by far taken consistency with it more than any of our ex-peers who performance-art-mourned his suicide 8 years ago without bothering to ask how they might’ve all (for sure) been part of the problem. Practicing self-accountability, I for not bothering to go more out of the way to know him. At this point, I actually-literally can’t remember if I properly saw him again since parting separate directions on the subway platform.
I should’ve asked him right away to be in stupid-ass mangoshake that coming summer. I can’t even blame my script assistant cause it was me who cut his 2 scenes during the 6h-down-to-1h45-length-script edit. Maybe I could’ve provided a distraction that could buy us just enough time.
Maybe maybe maybe. Fuck you(I) brooding blogger.
I write about him so everyone can remember with or without context.
I hold a retroactive funeral in the stalled housing development wasteland of a dilapidated cinepark and invite no one.
The lead character of Open Doom Crescendo holds a retroactive funeral with no previous context for the audience, confusing those who aren’t discomforted from being called out for voguing at the actual funeral I was too arrogant to attend.
I make sure my songs’ lyrics are ultimately more about him than they are about the biatch who wouldn’t love me back and of course go instead with Vapid Tall White A-Hole 4000.
Some internalized-racism BIPOC person is likely reading this and gathering this as fodder to cancel me for not facilitating them. Very specific but it’s what I do, imagine.
And I’ll keep finding ways to remind myself of Hadrian, cause that’s nothing if not broodingly consistent.
This remix is in your memory bro, along with ~33% of Open Doom Crescendo’s themes. It’s a long movie.
OPEN DOOM CRESCENDO 